There’s nothing like publicly announcing a blog break that gives me the clarity of “but wait, I wanted to write a post about THAT!” (Just like I’ve recently become more of a Target person after all, after openly declaring myself a Wal-Mart type …)
Wow, while I was mucking about for writing this post, I came across this news tidbit:
AP Stylebook No Longer “Mentally Retarded”.
Now, how FITTING is that with the zeitgeist (at least in my own little personal corner of the blogosphere) as of late?
The even-too-snarky-for-ME Gawker says:
“So what changes can you look forward to in tomorrow’s edition of the Mattoon Journal Gazette? More text messaging, less malarkey, and no more retarded people! … Other changes in the A to Z update include the entry for “African-American,” which previously indicated that the “preferred term is black.” Now, the African-American entry states: “Acceptable for an American black person of African descent. Black is also acceptable. The terms are not necessarily interchangeable.”
In another significant revision, “mentally retarded” is no longer the preferred term, replaced by “mentally disabled.”
Anyway, this is kind of a continuance of my last post.
I get nervous around some people who are more politically involved/active than myself, or who, I guess for lack of a better term, many “activists,” because, seriously, I’ve always had a bad habit of seeming to be able to say the wrong thing to the wrong people at the wrong time. It’s like a psychic ability. I can sense your button. And I push it. And I DON’T REALIZE I’M DOING IT. I don’t mean to.
My wish as of late is — I WISH I LIVED IN A POLITE SOCIETY. Some of the sales copy I edit by day will have wording like this for the U.S. market: “Why <our company> is BETTER.” This same copy is reworded for Great Britain, Japan and elsewhere to read “Why you should CHOOSE <our company>.” Now, how POLITE is that? I like it when men hold doors for me. Hell, *I* hold doors for men! I like it when people say “excuse me” and “thank you” and say kind things to each other. I guess I am a sucker for old-school Southern behavior. I consider myself one of the most open-minded, tolerant people on the planet, and perhaps even a patient person on many levels. The downside is, I can be TERRIBLY passive and still have assertiveness issues, but I digress. Aggression isn’t part of the equation when you’re around POLITE people! (Wherever THOSE people are …)
Now, my problem with “polite” societies is when civility becomes the LAW and you can go to jail for “hate speech” etc. However, some recent examination of some of the terms *I* have thrown around, unthinkingly, has made me realize just how IMpolite I have been. How can I “be the change [I] wish to see in the world” if I am myself acting rude or saying insensitive things? Even without realizing it? Though to contradict myself AGAIN, I often will say/write over-the-top offensive things, in a nihilistically ironic sense, to illustrate points, in the setting of a blog post, comedy or screenplay … just like some people have “politically incorrect” sexual fetishes, I like “politically incorrect” comedy. It’s all about set and setting.
Now, let’s VEER over here … What gripes me about the mindset of some “activists,” or some people who want to enact political/societal change, is how they seem highly intolerant of, and impatient with, people who don’t already “get it.” i.e. “It is not my job to educate you.”
I know full well I am ignorant about many people’s issues/beliefs, but I’m sure others might be just as intolerant of some of *my* issues/beliefs, which I don’t talk about a lot in Christian company, or often just as intolerant “athiest” company (my fondness for the I Ching, Tarot, voudoun, qabalah and magick, for starters).
Have you ever considered the impact, though, that one patient, understanding conversation with someone you might consider an “idiot” might have in changing that person’s mind? Instead of attacking them for their ignorance? You may not be able to fathom that someone out there could be so ignorant, but I’m sure it’s easy to become detached from the thought processes of the hoi polloi if you are lucky enough to have a close-knit group of friends who share your beliefs and you don’t have to interact much with the great unwashed.
Let me share with you a life-changing exchange I had with a gay pen pal when I was 13 years old. Thanks to this young man’s open mindedness and patience, and willingness to kindly explain his position — his SELF — to me, he changed my worldview. He revealed to me his bisexuality. And I, a good church-going girl at the time, slammed back with a letter containing such original platitudes as “It was Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, not Adam and STEVE!” and “You’re going to go to hell.”
Now, instead of him ignoring my letter and throwing it in the trash, or writing me back with “You’re a dumb cunt” (a la, you know, your typical “civil discourse” that occurs in blog comments), he responded with an extremely kind, and explanatory letter. He told me that he understood my religious views, being from the South himself. But, that he could not help who he is. That he always knew he was gay. That as a young child he enjoyed putting on his mother’s clothes and that he knew he was born that way. And that’s just who he is.
Something inside of me changed when I read his letter. To be cliche, a light bulb exploded brilliantly above my head. A bulb that remains dim over millions and millions and millions of heads of intolerant people around the world. And, a huge chunk of my “faith” was permanently chipped away — utterly dislodged. He opened my eyes. I wrote him back to THANK him for taking the time, and being kind enough, to so patiently — change my BELIEFS. One guy. One letter. One instance of someone, I guess for lack of a better term, with a little patience. For a complete little twit — me.
(Of course, this was back in the day when it took time/patience to correspond with people in other states; like, you know, holding a pen and handwriting a letter and putting it in an envelope and putting a stamp on it and putting it in the mailbox and waiting for their olde timey paper contraption to return to you. Unlike now, when anyone with a gadget can immediately blast anyone they see fit with off-the-cuff vitriol.)
Anyway, people get annoyed with me still when I want to engage them in these kind of convos. “Well, *tell* me what it was like to be a streetwalker. I’m curious.” “Tell me what it’s like in the Chinese sweatshops/living under Mao” etc. “What’s it like living in a European Welfare State with universal healthcare?” (Yes, I’ve asked people all three of these, in so many words). Some people will gladly talk to me. Others more than gladly ignore me. Some would probably just as soon smack me in the face. Or, tell me to go read a book, or go read some blogs. So, I do go read up. But, alas, there are a lot of people out there who don’t have time or interest in reading a lot of blogs or becoming politically active. Or reading. Some people never will. Face it, many many people just aren’t all that literate — or all that SMART.
What am I proposing, tolerance of the intolerant? I’m trying to think of a better way to word that. Patience with the ignorant? Or am I going to toss that cliche quotation out again about being the change you wish to see?
Something that bothers me somehow about movements to foster social change — and this applies equally to people who believe that their religions will change the world, and who believe their political activities will change the world — There is a cult mentality involved. There are secret handshakes and code words. I was involved with an occult group/magickal “secret society” for a number of years and it worked like that. “We” are the enlightened ones and “they” are the troglodytes. “Our” creed will change and enlighten the world (i.e. make “them” more like “us”) — but *they’re* all morons. (I HATE cult mentalities BTW.) I see this in political movements as well. Call me a POPULIST if you will, but I don’t think anyone’s movement is going to get anywhere unless it somehow becomes “popular” belief. As far as language is concerned, there must be clarity — It must be put into terms that the “ignorant” people understand and can relate to. Enough *people* have to be on board with it — and understand it — before, in a democracy, it can win enough votes (become public policy). Christianity was only a cult of wandering mystics until the kings were converted, by a sea change in people’s thinking (that, and, if Jesus led them to victory in battle … they’d convert).
Perhaps I’m too simple. Maybe it’s all that inverted-pyramid writing I did for “Joe Six-Pack” for so long. (Woo AP style!) But I like to cut to the POINT first and then delve into particulars. When I explain why I believe prostitution should be decriminalized, my first simple point is, “Fucking for money, on camera, is legal. Fucking for money, in private, is illegal. What the fuck sense does that make?” And why I believe pot should be decriminalized is that simple too: “It’s a fucking plant. It grows naturally. It’s legal and OK for you to drink your high but it’s evil and worthy of jail time, broken families, lost jobs and loss of 4th amendment rights if someone wants to plant a seed and ingest a plant???” As “libertarian” (small l) as I am, when I start talking about legalizing pot I can sound like a fucking anti-capitalist commie. (B/c I think $$ is the main reason it IS illegal — brewing your own beer is a pain in the ass, so people go buy it, whereas growing your own plant is easy; no one would go to a store to buy weed when they could just plant it in their yard … and the “criminal justice” racket system would lose a lot lot lot of money).
I really ought to think of some good way to wrap this up. Uhm, perhaps if more people could legally smoke pot and visit prostitutes this society would become a lot more polite? People would probably laugh a lot more and not take themselves so goddamn seriously. And perhaps if I am patient enough I can figure out a way to educate the public on these points. Which is what some comedians have been so goddamned great at …
